When we sit down to talk with a leader about networking, the conversation almost always starts with the same two comments:
- A lot of long-lasting relationships are forged earlier in people's careers.
- A lot of important relationships are built outside of work.
The point is simple. If you rely on relationships to help you find opportunities, you need to build strong relationships first.
We heard again and again in our research about the power of being a good teammate, making friends, and taking the time to invest in other people.
The gulf between a loose acquaintance awkwardly asking for a favor and a friend asking for a hand is wide. Be on the right side.
Lessons from Who Got Me Here
Molly Graham · worked for Mark Zuckerberg, Bret Taylor, and Chamath Palihapitiya
- Throughout her career, Molly has spotted interesting people and dug deeper—inviting them to coffees, reaching out for insight, and staying in touch.
- There is something interesting about every person in this world; you just have to ask questions, and listen well enough to ask the next question.
- Build a system for staying in touch—your personal CRM. When you move from one job to the next, add people to the list.
- Don't be the person who reaches out only when you need something. Check in with people when you don't need anything. We assume people are busy and don't want that ping—but everyone wants the message letting them know they're top of mind.
Veere Grenney · Architectural Digest Top 100 interior designer
- Veere's journey recalls David Brooks's advice to "build identity capital—in your 20s, do three fascinating things that job interviewers and dinner companions will want to ask you about the rest of your life."
- Communication, kindness, empathy, the desire for excellence, punctuality, discipline, and never letting people down—those qualities are priceless when it comes to making dots.
April Underwood · former Chief Product Officer at Slack
- The people you work with at companies A, B, and C are your network's foundation.
- It's another reason choosing the right companies—and finding great career opportunities through your network—is so important.
Nick Mehta · CEO of Gainsight
- One of the worst ways to network is being transactional. Relationship building is about looking for ways to help other people.
- Nick does 10–15 calls a week helping people with job advice and intros. Over ten years, he estimates he's made 10,000 introductions. That is an extraordinary amount of goodwill.
- The lesson: be in the business of doing favors. When you gladly make warm intros between your contacts, they're more likely to return the favor—and then some. The more you give, the more you get back.
Additional reading
Friends, by Robin Dunbar. The anthropologist found the human brain can maintain ~150 friendships, 500 acquaintances, 1,500 known names, and 5,000 known faces. When you meet people, look for common ground across his seven pillars of friendship: hometown, interests, education, worldview, musical taste, and sense of humor. Hit on just two and you can create a lasting friendship.
Putting it into practice
Over the next week, put 1–2 of these tactics into practice:
- Be a great colleague — work hard, get things done, and go out of your way to help people at work, no matter where you are in your career.
- Care about other people — show interest in what others are doing. Support your peers, don't just manage up.
- Use Dunbar's seven pillars — ask people about their hometown, family, interests, education, worldview, humor, or musical taste. Two hits = the beginnings of a friendship.
- Get involved outside of work — pick up a hobby, join a team, go to an event. Put yourself in situations where you can meet new people.
- Be genuine — build authentic relationships, not hollow transactions. Set aside your ambitions and take the time to be a real friend. It pays.
